Writing and Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

I am writing to assist and support myself. I want to start from the point of how I have used or rather how anger and depression have used me. The pattern I see is the manipulation of others through my own  passive-aggressiveness, anger, depression, and self pity. Right now my body feels heavy like I’m carrying weight and I am anxious. Basically I have isolated myself. And I’m fucked. There’s nothing I can do about the feeling of this. My anger and violence won’t do anything. I have to work through this depression that has come up.But my first reaction was an urge to blame others. Blame my parents. Today, I don’t even want interaction. I do but I don’t even want to open my mouth and speak because whatever comes out will not be me. And that’s a shitty feeling. It is a pattern.Today I felt like I can;t help but be depressed and feel sorry for myself. Probably because my depressing thoughts were feeding my depression! But I felt like I couldn’t  stop it or control it or make it go away. As long as I am “possessed” by depression and anger (toward the depression) I am almost unable to speak and think clearly. Unfortunately feeling sorry for myself will only make it worse for me. It’s all me now. this is what I hate : the pattern of going though this and not doing anything that is fun. I don’t say anything about it I just keep silent. Just be fucked and be silent about it it the painful pattern I am trying to dismantle.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be manipulated by my own anger and depression to the point that it takes over

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to manipulate others with my anger and depression so i can control them and “make” them feel sorry for me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be passive-aggressive

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid of my own hostility and repress it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be silent about being depressed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go through this pattern and not have fun

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse myself through negative thinking which feeds my depression and isolation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame others instead of look for the solution inside myself.