Friends

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not be self honest with myself when around friends and repressing other aspects of myself such as a part of myself that wants my attention and to listen to it

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need “friends”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to just stop seeing a friend without commuicating to him that I’m moving because I ass-umed he knew.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not set boundaries with friends and for not enforcing them when they were crossed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to beat myself/destroy my “self -esteem” with negative self-talk because of not having “friends”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the “clique” that i resonate with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider the word ” frenemies”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself from me by having “friends” and receiving attention

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed that everyone is a friend

 

Redefining Friends: a companion who walks by your side.Whom you make agreements/contracts with and  assist and support.

I have lost a lot of friends in the past year. Lost my yoga friends. Hometown friends (“homies”)

 

 

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Living with parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself sometimes hold back from giving back to my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe everything I was taught from what my ancestral genetics tells my brain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take on personality traits from my parents that put me into a box. Personality traits that suppress myself.

I forgive myself for suppressing myself around my parents.

I forgive myself for suppressing my sex-consciousness system from my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get angry at my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get angry at my mom.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get angry at my dad

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold back love and to tell my parents ” I love you Mom” ” I love you Dad”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not support my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid of my parents.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid to speak up to my parents and ask for help

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself from myself around my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that my mom judges me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that dad judges me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe i’m a failure to my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe you don’t make your parents proud

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take my parents for granted.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be attached to my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be attached to my dad.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to diminish my relationship with my parents. and not speak up about this. “there is a problem i see arising”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to yell to myself to get a job for my parents.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for not going out being isolated in my parents home

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not face myself around my parents.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become undisciplined responsible because my parents are laid back

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel experience unhappiness when around my parents because I’d rather be alone

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not set boundaries and be assertive with my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to yell at my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to depend on my parents for fulfillment or completion

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tell myself I’m not a good enough son to my parents

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that my parents are trying to control me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge that other people think that Im not a good enough son for my parents.

 

 

Parents are guardians. like legal guardians.having to do with law. or government.or money. Its like we’re fucking children of the state.”Authority Figures” Parents are the authors of the childrens stories if you will.

I see realize understand the message for me is that my parents had sex to make me  and that as soon as im born the world is gonna tell you that its about money and toys called things. the message is have sex and make a living.society is about money and labor/work. therefore my purpose responsibility is to work for living/money.allowance. chores. discipline.What is my inner authority?

 

Moving Out

What does Moving Out mean? physically and mentally moving in some direction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live with my parents for most of the time

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself around my parents.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to depend on my parents for housing and a bed to rest my head at night and for food

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my sexual personality from parents

I for

 

 

Not having girlfriend

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for not having a girlfriend

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge other people who have girlfriends

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to put my value on a pedestal

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only think about getting sex from a girl instead of being needy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not speak up and say ” I want a girlfriend” “” I have needs here’s what they are” “I’m interested” “I like you”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to isolate myself in my room instead of go out and take a risk to at least be around girls

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at times say to myself I hate women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge/generalize women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge/generalize men

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when i was a around a girl who liked me but I was not attracted to to just be honest and say ” I’m not interested.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tear away at my core by putting myself down and feeling self-pity for not having a girlfriend

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am incomplete without a girlfriend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have expectations that I should have a girlfriend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say ” a girlfriend would make my parents proud. I gotta make them proud by bringing her home to parents.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say “you can’t have a girlfriend because you live with your parents” “you can’t bring her home and bang her in your home”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to run away from women.instead of being here and  facing myself running away from woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself because I’m not married.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself because I’m single.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself because I don’t have kids.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I have to have a girlfriend right this second because I want to get married

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I have to have a girlfriend right this second because I want kids

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think I would do whatever it takes to “fuck” a girl that i “love”. marry her. have kids.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that fucking comes first.then love. and that fucking=love

 

 

 

 

 

Rushing

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to become rushed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush myself mentally and physically

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in the rat race thus causing more of that speeding anxiety rush

I forgive myself for rushing through self-forgiveness statements on rushing

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get high on the intensity of rushing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say “hurry up”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take amphetamines to get ahead and to speed right through life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be brainwashed by how society say you gotta be a go-getter.live the american dream, time is money so our only purpose is to “work for money”.which is not currently working.

I forgive myself for allowing and acceting mysefl to have a biological clock personality that says time is short. you have to

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be victim of a mental time limit clock

 

 

Redefining Rush -Adrenaline Rush.Fight or Flight. Biological chemicals.Also like a drug. Speed is the drug associated with the adrenaline rush. A natural high.

Enjoying the pace of life (which is very masculine) as well as aligning with e rhythms of life. Like sports.

Rushing is getting from point A to point B. But the in between is where life is. In between the words.

 

Not Working

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to beat myself up over not being employed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not care about finding employment

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for being unemployed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not work as a decision

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not support myself

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to depend on my parents for shelter and money

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not get clean so I can pass drug tests if there given

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hesitate and freeze in fear as to what to do as far as work

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself about picking a job or career that interests me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a part of my personality to not be interested in work. And to identify with that personality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I have to get a job so I can get a girlfriend

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go through anxiety and unease when I project into the future when I see them they ask me “what have you been up to? and I have to say that i’m not working.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tell my family that im going to be a mortician. and getting power from my family projecting that “funeral director image” onto me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not move out. Which is maybe the sanest happiest choice I could make.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say “you don’t have enough money to move out so you can’t move out and believing it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lie to friends and family that I’m going to be a mortician.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to beat myself up and to eat away at my core by persecuting myself for not following through completely on becoming a mortician.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say to myself “if you get a job you’ll get stuck there and because of the fear which says if you don’t obey you will be punished. and punishment is death.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear work, employers, employees and run away from them. fearing punishment, exposure, humiliation,back-stabbing, and violence and conflict.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be controlled/manipulated by memories of hurt

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at work; not stand up and say the following” I need help” Can you help me”  ” I don’t like when…” “I’m not happy with this job”ask questions and being assertive and expression of myself honestly

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid to work because i’m afraid of a personality of mine that wants to tear them apart by killing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to punch,attack, bludgeon, and kill employees and especially bosses

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid of authority like bosses so if they yell at me or try to shame me my reaction is fight or flight kill or run to survive. because when someone raises there voice I perceive it as a threat to my ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid to speak up stand up and if a job is not working out or too demanding of saying “i give my two week notice I’m transitioning elsewhere” or whatever

I see realize understand that I am happiest when alone. even working. Also depending on other people makes your feel more and more guilty. And adds fire to the “bad perpretrator self-image” which only makes me feel bad.Thus tainting my beliefs ,thought-processes, decisions,etc.

I commit myself to find satisfying “work” In order to support myself. Based on the principle of equality and oneness and what is best for all.

 

 

Bigger Arms

 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I don’t deserve love because my arms weren’t big enough

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself because my arms weren’t big enough

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify with my arms mentally as well as physically

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project an image of bigger arms onto other people as well as myself

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be cult-urally conditioned that if your upper body arms aren’t buff you’re less masculine

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself and how I see myself sexually through others eyes.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my body

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fragment my body into body parts rather than one whole body

I commit myself to push myself to exercise more. Do yoga.Get stronger physically. And to eat healthy.

I see realize and understand that arms=guns=weapons. are tools of self-defense.like Krav Maga. it’s not about strength or size of arms but about power and force from the whole body. The body is useful and each part is. What would we be without an arm? How much we take for granted. We judge ourselves instead of being grateful. The arms support our work as well. That is the ultimate weapon. Using the arms in benefit to others rather than harm or to steal.