Religious conditioning and violence/fighting

I was “born into” a Jehovah’s Witness family. Luckily my parents left around the 1st grade or so.  I do remember not celebrating birthdays in class.Which didn’t make things better as far as isolation. Boredom. And suppressing fun. Because what fun is it not celebrating a birthday!? It was a anti war philosophy. An Anti-World society. I was taught the concept of “God” I was taught all other cultures religions they were evil or rather “there god/gods were” I have to take a look back and see and try to remember what I was taught and check to see if I absorbed any of the mind control. Correction: they are not pacifists but refuse to go to war. They are also  politically neutral. Also this religion takes the Bible and Jehovah in it literally. Where there God is an angry murdering jealous wrathful entity. There belief was that we were the chosen ones which will go to paradise and all others will perish by the hands of god. Pretty insane, delusional and dark. I believe the creator of this organization was associated with very powerful  connected ruling/”royal” families so it was created to control mass amounts of people to believe in this  rather “elite” philosophy of being the chosen ones.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of the world due to religious conditioning until the age of 5-6

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my triggers of violence such as anger, annoyance, etc

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid and superstitious of people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed by my parents

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of violence. Where peace is the answer at all costs even death in which case makes you a martyr. And so your blind to the abuse of the world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the religious conditioning could have an affect on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to physically hit or attack someone and or get into a fight, conflict, or confrontation due to pacifist religious mind conditioning or programs. I realize I held in violence and was exposed to violence through holly-wood movies ( subliminal mind control suggestion)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid/hesitant to hit or attack someone because im afraid  of the consequences, judgement, and punishment I perceive i will receive if i do hit someone the “law”. I realize and recognize this is a strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself into a polarity of good and bad. And for creating an image of “god” in my mind. But really in “my” mind-consciousness system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be brainwashed by politics and for participating in the polarity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself if i ever did repress my shadow during the childhood years of being in the brainwashing organization

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my inner child because of the religion. And to fear people through the belief systems of others being almost bad or evil

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself on my birthday and not celebrate and party hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress having fun on my birthday and holidays.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my shadow onto people through any of the religions conditioning that was programmed into me

I commit myself to investigate this religious conditioning as well as fear of fighting, combat, and conflict.

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Jim

Jim. When I was in elementary school days. We had a family friend Jim. I “loved” him. He was like a Jim Carrey type of person. Full of positivity, goofiness, and fun and adventure and always in great shape he was a gymnast and a very strong person physically but had lot of demons as he as in a cult for example. And alcoholism was a problem in his family. As well as child abuse by cult members. Regardless, He himself was a good guy and he had to cut off his relationship with my family after we left.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed when I think of all the fun times we had together and the “energy” he bringed/brang
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that my him killing our relationship with my family and I.To not see that that sucks and it must have caused grief and sadness to have that ripped out of my life out of nowhere
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief and have hope that if i meet a Jim carrey positive like person I have to hold onto hope that our relationship will last forever rather than giving up hope so that I may be humbled and really have a look within

When and as I see myself recalling fun memories of Jim and my family. I stop and breathe. Come back to life here. I realize that I am a multidimensional being and Jim and “everyone else” IS Me or aspects of me in different dimensions. I need only focus on myself here to get what i need. To find what was not lost. but unrecognized.
I commit myself to give myself what I need. To do what I have to do. And to find what was not lost, but unrecognized.

The falling apart of me and my best friend

I once had a friend. I met in 1st grade. We would hang out together and play. Up until 10th grade Freshman year. Where he slowly began to ignore me not show interest and not talk to me or anyone. It was a big shift in his personality and many people asked him and me what happened to him? As the funny,goofy, class clown became silent and depressed. Part of the reason I think we were destined to not be friends forever was because we got into some trouble stealing clothes. I didn’t get in trouble. I got caught and gave up his name. His parents were really strict. They liked me up until they found out we got caught stealing. I wasn’t aware of psychology or looking within at the time and was probably doing the things I was doing because of the mind consciousness system. It was as if it was set in stone me and him were best friends. Interestingly enough,  I heard that he thought I was talking behind his back. And that “he’s not fond of me” Which if I’m honest  I may have. But then again people were asking me questions. Like there just using me for information a messenger rather than asking him or not assuming. Everyone around me was talking behind his back so to speak.Actually one other person actually took it to far and kept pointing him out and trying to change him. Almost bothering him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like somethings wrong with because our friendship ended and like im the bad guy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personally that he ignored me and was going through something. Possibly a mental illness and strict household with high expectations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the public has ill feelings toward me because there judging me for something they think I said about him when I don’t recall saying anything directly to hurt him

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad guilty for talking behind his back when some people did worse and i did nothing to stop it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be friends with him when he for some reason just acted like he didn’t know me anymore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personal that he cut me off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself at the time of high school to try to hang out with him. Ending up isolating myself from other peers because I firmly believed we “were meant to be together” well life proved me wrong.