The falling apart of me and my best friend

I once had a friend. I met in 1st grade. We would hang out together and play. Up until 10th grade Freshman year. Where he slowly began to ignore me not show interest and not talk to me or anyone. It was a big shift in his personality and many people asked him and me what happened to him? As the funny,goofy, class clown became silent and depressed. Part of the reason I think we were destined to not be friends forever was because we got into some trouble stealing clothes. I didn’t get in trouble. I got caught and gave up his name. His parents were really strict. They liked me up until they found out we got caught stealing. I wasn’t aware of psychology or looking within at the time and was probably doing the things I was doing because of the mind consciousness system. It was as if it was set in stone me and him were best friends. Interestingly enough,  I heard that he thought I was talking behind his back. And that “he’s not fond of me” Which if I’m honest  I may have. But then again people were asking me questions. Like there just using me for information a messenger rather than asking him or not assuming. Everyone around me was talking behind his back so to speak.Actually one other person actually took it to far and kept pointing him out and trying to change him. Almost bothering him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like somethings wrong with because our friendship ended and like im the bad guy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personally that he ignored me and was going through something. Possibly a mental illness and strict household with high expectations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the public has ill feelings toward me because there judging me for something they think I said about him when I don’t recall saying anything directly to hurt him

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad guilty for talking behind his back when some people did worse and i did nothing to stop it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be friends with him when he for some reason just acted like he didn’t know me anymore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personal that he cut me off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself at the time of high school to try to hang out with him. Ending up isolating myself from other peers because I firmly believed we “were meant to be together” well life proved me wrong.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s