So today I was planning on going to my Uncle’s Memorial today. Whom I was not close to but I wanted to see my cousins which I haven’t seen in a while. However, my good intentions didn’t work out. As i was “harrased” by the annoying allergies. I decided not to go because I felt so miserable. I also felt bad for not going…but I will see them soon I just miss them. Apparently, pollen levels are really high during this time we’re having a early spring over in Illinois. So lots of pollen, which means lots of allergies. I started sneezing in the morning. And I actually had it last night too. Sneezing non stop irritation my dry sinuses and every thing connected to sinuses. Its important for me to pay attention to my body….and investigate. The sinus is connected to the brain eyes nose and face i believe.I could be wrong. I get this thing once in a while where i get allergy attacks of non stop loud and intense sneezing. I even shout or yell because its so intense I make all types of kind of whiny victimy complaining painful noises and I notice I sometimes suppress or ignore them. I just wanted to lash out at anything and anyone. I knew I didnt want to go because my energy my pain could ruin others peace. My pain really brought out my wounded inner child. Which felt helpless,angry, sad, mad, violent, and wanted to just cry and be alone. I honored that by choosing and realizing I was out of my element and something internally was crying out for my honor and respect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to actually cry internally from the pain and dryness. To realize I did the right thing by taking care of my self first because if theres a a child crying? do you ignore it. No. You nurture it you pick it up and hold in in your arms.You be with it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lash out at others when my allergy/sinus attacks come up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a victim real fast and punish others in my head because i feel so miserable after allergy attacks
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lash out at my dad mentally after allergy attacks and feel needy like a need sympathy and attention because im in pain and react because i judged him as being quiet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to kill people after and during my allergy attacks
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the pain of my allergy attacks and sinus pain to fuel my ego and pain-body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compound pain into myself from all the allergy attacks and sinus pain and breathing problems i had associated with allergy attacks
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up because i feel like i cant breathe