Day 2 Boredom

Boredom… Thats a emotional feeling that always seems to bring about trouble. As a child and teenager i would always or become unconscious/unstable when i felt bored of how i imagined i wanted things to be.The things i did in life that i regret were done with people in a state of boredom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment and self responsibility as me having “no life.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recreate myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be an asshole toward myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to sleep with strangers…without considering the consequences…and not considering getting to know that person for who they are inside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know how to “love” a person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too careful

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress this sexual demon system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to music about the war system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paralyzed and distracted  by anxiety and fear and what others think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the things about my appearance i cant change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i cant control things

Self-Correction: I can’t control everything. Controlling doesn’t make me happy. I can rather seek discipline,self-direction, and being grounded. Self-acceptance of my appearance. Pushing through anxiety through getting out of mind. I can’t control what others think of me.Sf of the sexual demon system. Take risks. There is no “security safety.” Give to people what i think is lacking in the world.Giving is receiving.Decide what to do.Action steps.

I commit myself to at least 21 days of daily writing.

I commit myself to become more aware of my addiction to the thoughts of sleeping with strangers. and to think twice about the reality of it. About who i am.

When and as i see this sexual demon system come up. I stop and breathe and come back to the life in my body.

When and as I see myself not knowing what to do. I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself thinking about the things about my self i cant change i stop and breathe

When and as i see myself thinking about the things i cant change in others i stop and breathe. i realize i have to accept the person who they are or suffer the consequences

When and as i see myself going into boredom i stop and breathe

 

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