day 18 my latest job

I started a temp job at a place that makes sauces. Had no expectations as most temp jobs are shitty. I was showed around the facility by manager then left alone in the kitchen like room where the kettles and sauces are mixed and packaged. there were about 12 people there in kitchen. ive learned a lot about myself and some skills. Everyone was in each others way. The majority of workers were mexican and spoke broken english. So even though i know basic spanish it was a a challenge and there was no a/c it was real hot. I felt sorry for the workers. They were the hardest workers i saw. We weren’t allowed to have beverages in the “kitchen”/kettle area. Which is not right because its fucking hot. What good is a dehydrated worker. the workers only got paid 10 dollars per hour. It was so loud at times that i was unable to even think straight or articulate. and it was very fast paced repetitive physical labor lifting basically not stop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so tired and exhausted i dont want to do anything which is okay because my body and back are beat

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just want to get this sf over with. because im not comftorable physically. its hard to type and i  dont want to do it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe when things came up

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have no time for anything this week. Nor my family. just work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing other workers to act like they know me by saying your so quiet why are you so quiet. When i told them i am a quiet person.

i forgive myself fro accepting and allowing myself to view the people in the office as evil

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysefl to view the temp worker as ex convict untrustworthy, snakey, and con artist

When and as i see myself being judged labeled as quiet i stop and breathe.

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