Day 19 sexual energy around spiritual woman

So i have some points to look at within “sexual energy.” By sexual energy i mean sexualizing everything. I’m currently watching myself as i go into a fantasizing of spiritual women.A lot of images,feelings, and sensations toward a positive polarity high.I went to Buddhist retreat this weekend and found myself feeling this attraction toward a couple women and today this sexual energy going through the body. Now that i am home. I feel this addiction to want to be around women. I can’t help but like looking at women. With the warmer weather coming I can watch myself and my thoughts wander into sexual like fantasies of making “love” or romantic love to a women. Lately it’s to a spiritual women. It’s only natural. As i am “attracted” to like minded women.  I am turned on by spiritual women who meditate and love meditating with them. I am a bit shy at first but with enough feedback my ego can’t go a little overboard. It’s like the more women give me feedback the more i get more and more confident talking with them and being around them. Going into darker aspects of the spiritual ego as far as attracting women to my circle or cult. There is definitely thoughts that i judge as “dark” and “creepy” There was two women at the retreat who i briefly talked to and met. One of them had a accent and i just started getting high off of her basically. Her energy was very calming and i imagined like living with her and how healing i imagined her to be. I feel most comfortable talking to women especially at spiritual retreats.  It’s like if there’s women who i imagine to be single who are spiritual at a retreat. I become very content and don’t want to leave but be around them. There was a women wearing a outfit that i thought was “sexy” and i became very “stimulated” going into sexual thoughts. I have this point to look at about being attracted almost obsessed with a woman’s legs and lower body when they were shorts or revealing clothing. There’s like this intense sexual energy but it will end. And it doesnt’ want to really masturbate but rather because i am more comftorable with spiritual/buddhist women i want to actually continue to get to know them and see how “far” i can get with them so to speak. It’s not really that i want sex although i feel i need it it’s that i want to experience opening up a women mentally and getting to know her. I actually want to have sex with her spirit or soul. Like i want to have meditative sex with a women. Spiritual sex. After the retreat and today after meditation. I just noticed women around me wearing revealing clothing. I didn’t want to go home but stay around and look at women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase this idea of me having spiritual sex with spiritual women

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fantasies of making romantic love to spiritual women

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into sexual thoughts when i see spiritual women who revealing lower body, legs, or clothes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that a woman’s legs are skin,flesh, bones,tendons,ligaments. muscles, and blood

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stimulate myself with thoughts of my flesh touching a spiritual woman’s flesh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like i’m creepy for looking at womans legs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself high off of woman’s legs and anatomy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress and repress my very intense sexual thoughts, romantic thoughts and feelings

I forgive myself fro accepting and allowing myself to become very motivated and content and high energy when i think there’s the possibility that i could get together hang out or tell a spiritual women i am interested in getting to know her. Even if i miscalculate things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love the comfort of imagining that i haven’t gotten to the point where i get to know a spiritual woman well and gently open up her mind to me. Even if it’s not in reality confirmed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself about meeting spiritual woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into imaginings of me kissing,making, out,touching, and making love to a spiritual woman. Going into fantasies of us being in love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go crazy over a woman’s shaved legs and feel intense sexual feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into romantic sexual thoughts of me making love to a women from the town i live in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into thoughts of making love to European woman.

 

I see realize and understand that a woman’s legs/thighs is just flesh. Skin,anatomy,bones,muscles,blood.

When and as i see myself going into sexual feelings over spiritual woman who i meet i stop and breathe.

When and as i lose myself in the head of fantasies about woman i stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself going into stimulated thoughts when i see a woman’s legs and thighs i stop and breathe.

When and as i feel sexual energy surging through my body rushing to my brain i stop and breathe and slow down back to the physical.

 

 

 

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