Day 1- Starting Over

I have broken my commitment to 21 days writing every day. I have been busy and when i do work,I find myself too tired to reflect and write.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too tired and emotionally “sponged” to want to face myself and undo with self forgiveness statements

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not even try, start, or ask.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise asking questions with fear of rejection,punishment, or humiliation. and feeling like im stupid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to break myself down rather than build myself up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like a “bad” friend, cousin, and son.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tell my mom i love you

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to show love from my mom…probably due to peer pressure and being cool not allowed to say i love you to parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withdraw love from my mom during junior high years and become cold hearted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be good at giving back to my parents and supporting them financially.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tell my dad i love you

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to know how to love people or be a friend or talk to people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad and lonely and antisocial

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be anti social

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make things harder than they really are and thus drain and frustrate myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I CAN’t do anything or whatever i want

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate work and hate workers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be able to tolerate a worker and resign because of them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate going to new jobs with new people and see new clicks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when i go to new jobs to say fuck you in my head to everyone as a defense mechanism that they wont judge me or try to “fuck” with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “have” to high paced physical jobs to be able to survive and if i dont like it for feeling like im doomed if i leave for feeling like a quitter/loser/weakling

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become very tired daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when im rock bottom to not want to speak to anyone or do anything again like i protest against everything.

 

When and as i see myself going into self sabotage. I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself going into antisocial thoughts i stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself getting emotional and sad I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself comparing myself to others i stop and breathe

Advertisements

Day 20 Writers Block

It has been a while since I’ve written. Decide to push past the resistance and write. But I had a lot of writers “blocks” I couldn’t think of what to write about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paranoid of sharing myself on a blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust groups of people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase this nostalgic feeling of friendship in my school daze

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hesitant to find work because im going on vacation in 2 months or so

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give a fuck about things that i shouldn’t give a fuck about

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from the point that life sucks

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not embrace the low points of the waves of emotions

I forgive myself  for not accepting and allowing myself to see,realize, and understand that a little bit goes a long way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not claim myself as the director and creator of my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait until i have a girlfriend to live potential, adulthood, and openness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that i have to open up a point in order to write and elaborate on it.

When and as i see myself going into mistrust i stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself giving a fuck about things i should not give a fuck about i stop  and breathe

When and as i see myself going into overthinking i stop and breathe

When and as i see myself going into personalities or characters i stop and breathe

When and as i see the mind consciousness system lying i stop and breathe

 

Day 2 Boredom

Boredom… Thats a emotional feeling that always seems to bring about trouble. As a child and teenager i would always or become unconscious/unstable when i felt bored of how i imagined i wanted things to be.The things i did in life that i regret were done with people in a state of boredom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment and self responsibility as me having “no life.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recreate myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be an asshole toward myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to sleep with strangers…without considering the consequences…and not considering getting to know that person for who they are inside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know how to “love” a person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too careful

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress this sexual demon system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to music about the war system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paralyzed and distracted  by anxiety and fear and what others think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the things about my appearance i cant change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i cant control things

Self-Correction: I can’t control everything. Controlling doesn’t make me happy. I can rather seek discipline,self-direction, and being grounded. Self-acceptance of my appearance. Pushing through anxiety through getting out of mind. I can’t control what others think of me.Sf of the sexual demon system. Take risks. There is no “security safety.” Give to people what i think is lacking in the world.Giving is receiving.Decide what to do.Action steps.

I commit myself to at least 21 days of daily writing.

I commit myself to become more aware of my addiction to the thoughts of sleeping with strangers. and to think twice about the reality of it. About who i am.

When and as i see this sexual demon system come up. I stop and breathe and come back to the life in my body.

When and as I see myself not knowing what to do. I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself thinking about the things about my self i cant change i stop and breathe

When and as i see myself thinking about the things i cant change in others i stop and breathe. i realize i have to accept the person who they are or suffer the consequences

When and as i see myself going into boredom i stop and breathe