Day 3- Nature

I recently did a youtube video on Nature being the foundation of my authenticity and relations. Being out in nature I can forget my worries,fears, and anxieties and air out my “mental frame” Nature is our teacher. Nature isn’t prejudice or judging. We feel accepted and nurtured by nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses to not go out into the forest of nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself from nature for fear of being attacked out in public.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disconnect/dissociate from my true authentic “nature.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose touch with the “mother” earth and “my” mother as well as my “inner mother”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose touch disconnect fragment from my inner feminine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my inner nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pollute/corrupt/sacrifice/kill my inner nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to steal from the earth and nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be natural.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be artificial/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about using women for sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fucked up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate,use,abuse, and fuck myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to deceive nature and woman.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be naked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that man and women shit piss,cum,fart,drool,and bleed and all all ugly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nauseated

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want women to give me sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want  to “fuck” women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rape the earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail protecting the earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in this shit and pollution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in misogyny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in “sins”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon my relations with trees

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect not grow my relations with the earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my relations with gender.

 

I commit myself to walk the word authentic

When and as I see myself feeling nauseated I stop and breathe.

 

Advertisements

Day 15- My relationship with women in the past

I’ve not had much experience dating women. As a teen I came close to having a girlfriend i met online but we didn’t have cars so it was hard to meet. I said something about her and my friend told her. it wasn’t nice…so that kind of ruined it. But we did meet. I listened to her life story and was there for her when her brother passed…but we were young and dumb.During high school I started hanging out with a coworker we would party together and get trashed. People around me asked if she was my girlfriend…To which i said yes. People at work knew. Our relationship only lasted as long as i worked there. I’m thankful for the experience although the women is not and will never be good for me. I will say that people treated me a lot different and i got a lot of attention and invites to parties but probably just because they thought maybe they could get something from her. After that. I’d meet some women and even ones that have mutual friends. But it would basically go no further than us hanging out and me getting friend zoned. One showed interest at first but when i assumed she was interested she made excuse.There were a couple women whom i was interested in but no more than kissing with one. I’ve been through the phase of wanting to sleep with strangers. I’m at the point where i want a girlfriend.  One that is “good” for me. What i mean by that is a women with a good head on her shoulders. There were some spiritual church/yoga women i was interested in in the past. One of them i let know that i was interested. And she said she wants to be friends.

But it felt good just being honest with her about how i feel. Another from yoga really liked me however i was not attracted to her and she lives long distance. We said we were bf and gf for a while. But self honestly it was not true love. I also would like to meet women and just be friends. So I can have a more solid relationship with women.  What’s important is for me to at least talk to women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for women through drinking,drugs, and partying

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be around women that are not good for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow my lust and my dick

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the past hang out with a women who strips at parties

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tolerate a drunk girlfriend

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to settle for less with women in the past

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad i couldn’t “get” women who i met and was interested in yoga

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sexual toward spiritual women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lustful toward nature loving women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be interested in women who have inner childhood wounds and parental issues

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop myself when i get friend zoned and go into negative self talk

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing insecurity to control me as far as what i think i’m capable of when meeting women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have a solid foundation of friendship with women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when i have lustful thoughts of my women friends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get down on myself about being single for a while and feel very depressed about not having a gf

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself for not having a girlfriend and even many women whom im interested in to talk to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a women im interested ins bf on a pedestal and in the past to want to become like him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for past relationship failures

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that women hate me

When and as i see myself going into lustful thoughts toward women friends i stop and breathe. I realize i don’t want to sabotage relationship agreements based on uncontrollable desires and lust

When and as i see myself going into negative self talk about my relationship with women I stop and breathe

When and as i see myself go into negative self talk about my appearance…in particular my ears…i stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself thinking im not man enough i stop and breathe.

I commit myself to see my i am enoughness